The "I-Wannas": Type I, Adult Onset

Funny that this post should follow my "Polly Day" post.

So, I had my fabulous day - nothing extraordinary or costly - just time.  I had rented a few movies and bought a package of chocolate covered caramel candies of which I intended to savor one at a time.  This plan would allow me to relish the candy for a whole week!  As I was enjoying my $1 rental movie, I opened the golden wrapper of the chocolate caramel and slowly nibbled away at it.  Life was good.  A few hours later, as the closing credits were rolling, my first thought was, "Wow.  That movie was better than I thought it would be."  My next thought was, "Wow.  Where did all of these little, golden wrappers come from?"  Yep.  I had eaten the entire bag of chocolates.  Every last one of them.  Granted, there were only about eight in the package... but they were supposed to last me for a week!

That's when my "I-Wannas" started.  I was so disappointed in myself for not sticking to the plan, that I just threw my hands in the air and said, "Well, why not just go for broke... it IS my birthday, after all."  I stealthily snuck out to the kitchen and raided the cookies, chips, M&Ms and pizza that I had bought for the kids.  They didn't have to know... and it WAS my birthday.  I kept telling myself things like that... and rationalizing that, "after today, I am going to go back to my plan of self-control and healthy living".  Well, you can't make that kind of promise to yourself if you wake up the next day and realize that there are still a few cookies and chips left over from the night before.  The "I-Wannas" take control of you before you know it and you find yourself shoving entire sleeves of Chips-Ahoy cookies into your mouth before you're caught.  Wait... is that an Oreo shoved into the back of that package?  You realize that the day is shot and it's not even 10am.  You pour yourself a bowl of stale Lucky Charms from a bag that has been sitting in a dark corner of your pantry for months... even your seven-year old wouldn't touch it.  You snarf it down.  You catch a glimpse of yourself reflected in the microwave... milk dripping from your chin as you shovel the cereal in before anyone can walk in and catch you at it.  So, THIS is what you've become.

Where did that frame of mind come from, anyway?  Why does one little slip send us hurtling down the luge of self-destruction and regret?  I'm pretty sure that not everyone is like this.  I, like most other people, set goals to live a healthier lifestyle and cut-out the junk food from my diet.  I make plans, like everyone else, as to how I can accomplish these goals and, like other people, I determine a start date from which to launch said plans.  This is where I seem to depart from the norm and enter into my own world of human behavior.  I can't just "start".  I have to have a "going-away-party" for all the junk food which will no longer be welcome in my home.  Anything that I may have been craving in the past few weeks is invited.  But that's not all.  Anything that is lurking within the cupboards, drawers, (kids' Halloween stash from last October) is invited, too.  If there is a tub of old frosting in the back of the fridge with nothing left inside but a few, dried-out scrapings somehow passed over by everyone else... well, it's invited to my party.  It's sad, really.  But there you have it.

I've learned some valuable lessons from this weird part of my psyche.  I've learned to have empathy for anyone with addictions or failings.  That whole "glass house" thing applies quite well here.  I've learned that everyone has something they need to overcome.  For some, the "I Wannas" lead to weaknesses that are obvious to on-lookers, such as an addiction to food, cigarettes, or alcohol.  For others, the down-ward slope and an "I've blown it anyway, and I want this" attitude will lead to darker, more destructive (yet less obvious) habits of pornography or abuse.  Let's not forget that giving in to temper, being critical of others, gossiping, pride, or refusing to admit fault, among countless other human failings, also fall into the "I Wannas" realm of the human experience.  We can't pretend that we're any better than anyone else unless we have mastered self-control in every aspect of our lives... removed the beam from our own eye, so to speak.

The second lesson for me here is that overcoming ones' self is one of the greatest things we can hope to achieve in this life.  Benjamin Franklin, Shakespeare, Goethe, Buddha, Confucius, Mother Teresa and many, many other sages through-out time have expressed similar ideas.  If one is master of himself, there's nothing he cannot accomplish or overcome.  It's a line upon line thing and it's an incredible gift made possible by our Savior, Jesus Christ.  Because He atoned for all of our failings, He knows how hard it is to let it go.  Even better, He knows HOW to let it go.  We just have to turn to Him (and never give up turning to Him) for help.  I've been thinking about why the natural man is an enemy to God.  We know that our bodies house God's spirit children.  I believe we become an enemy to Him when we choose to allow our bodies to become the master of our spirits.  When we do this, the communication lines between our spirits and our Heavenly Father are shut down... and the switch is on our side.  To turn away from excessive appetites and unholy passions is to turn back to God.  I need to remember that I'm a spiritual being having a physical experience not a physical being with nowhere else to go.  I've got places to go when this life is through!  And I have no intention of leaving this world with a total lack of control around chocolate covered caramels!

The third thing I've learned is that there is much to learn.  While we have no room to judge others for any human weakness, we would be foolish not to learn from them.  Are angry people happy?  Do drug/alcohol addicts have the quality of life that you hope to have?  What kind of relationships do these people enjoy?  I think this helps with the empathy, too.  If instead of judging or becoming upset with someone else's weakness, we can see the sorrow it has brought them, it will soften our hearts and strengthen our own resolve.  What can you learn from me?  If you're only allotting yourself one candy, don't sit next to the opened bag.  Also, throw away stale Lucky Charms and mostly empty frosting containers while you still can.